Wavy perforation improves the toilet experience
P&G's Charmin adds a better disconnect from the toilet paper roll but what about a cleaner rump?
So, you’re sitting on the toilet, and it’s time for the tissue pull, you know, the attempt to grab a few sheets (four or five are good amounts) of toilet paper and, in one motion, detach it from the remainder of the roll without more paper following your hand away from the designated perforation line.
Or, there’s no separation, and you’re now like a child or a dog unrolling the roll for pleasure and fun, not for use. Now, you try to reroll the paper which is just not happening how you wish while all the while that stuff on your behind is asking for help.
Maybe the paper rips not in a straight line but, about halfway across the next square, it tears into the next square for several squares offering you a stringy wad of tissue for the wad on your rump.
Surely you get the picture here. It has happened to all of us so don’t deny it. There’s a lot of toilet paper waste and frustration in life. Deep thinkers beware!
As long as there is toilet paper with straight (flatline) perforation between the sections, there will be uneven rips and wasted paper which tries to be flushed only to cause the toilet sitter to reach for the plunger. Gross. What do you do with a used plunger?
If you’ve never used a plunger, raise you hand. I thought so. No hands lifted to the Plunger Supreme. We’ve all been there at least once. Blame it on the paper and those flatline perforations. That’s one reason the maker (P&G: Procter & Gamble) of Charmin toilet paper—or tissue as a Belle of the Old South might say—reinvented the perforation on the toilet paper roll.
Charmin—in addition to offering the industry standard of flatline perforations—now offers wavy perforations between the sections which are not square. They are now wavy sections. Did you see the comparison in the photo at the beginning of this smelly essay. Just for fun, try figuring out the area per section in square inches of the wavy sections. How about in wavy inches?
The late great philosopher Bonnie Johnson called it “rump dressing” to her friends, neighbors, and anyone in the grocery store about to make a personal preference purchase: single ply, double ply, or triple ply tissue. If she were alive today, no doubt she wouldn’t change that designation with the new wavy perforation offered by P&G, its flagshit, I mean, flagship line of toilet paper.
Is the wavy Charmin the better-picker-upper? Oops, that’s Bounty paper towel, a bit less smooth than toilet tissue, but another P&G product which could be used as a toilet paper substitute in a pinch or on a pinch. Anyway…
After more than five years of research, after hundreds, thousands, millions, probably billions of complaints about uneven tears from the roll when consumers were sitting on the potty seeking relief of the messy defecation residue, (or much to their surprise, when using the tissue to wipe and finding no evidence of turds gone wild), P&G decided to reinvent the wheel or at least the toilet paper perforation.
FROM A P&G MEDIA RELEASE, OCTOBER 2, 2023:
“This is something the toilet paper category hasn’t seen, and we’ve spent more than five years perfecting the technology and design behind it,” said Rob Reinerman, Charmin Vice President, Procter & Gamble. “At Charmin, we’re all about delivering a better bathroom experience and delivering superior products with the best performance, ultimately delivering value to our consumers. It’s why we keep innovating and investing in performance.”
Many consumers often get frustrated when they’re unable to get a clean tear, resulting in additional toilet paper usage and potential waste. This innovation aims to deliver an even and clean tear every single time, addressing multiple pain points that are experienced when using toilet paper. Charmin Ultra Soft Smooth Tear enables getting just the right desired amount, does not tear during dispensing and leaves a clean smooth cut.
Not to mention a clean smooth butt. More from the Media Release:
“Consumers’ #1 complaint to our call centers over the years has been the uneven tears from the square shape,” said Gregg Weaver, Senior Scientist, Procter & Gamble. “The uneven tear is a result of straight perforations that don’t match the direction that consumers pull sheets and where the toilet paper is hung in the bathroom. The new Charmin wavy perforation ensures that you’re able to tear smoothly no matter where and how you tear.”
According to the statement from P&G, Charmin Ultra Soft Smooth Tear was rolled out last October in stores nationwide, more than 100 years after the last improvement. Must have been when the flatline perforation was rolled out. Pun intended!
In the statement from P&G, the wavy perforation comes with its own and unique hashtag: #EnjoytheGo. What P&G doesn’t remind you of is the difference between a wavy line and a flatline. On the heart monitor, wavy means you’re alive; flatline and you’re probably dead. Choose wavy for a longer life, less paper use, and probably toilets not clogged.
If you’re seeking the wavy rump dressing perforation, not all Charmin toilet paper has been converted. Maybe in time. We got ours—Charmin Ultra Soft Smooth Tear—at Harris Teeter. It works. The wavy perforation has never failed; no rips, tears, or additional squares from the pull.
However, when asked if the wavy perforation improves the cleanup, that answer is rather personal. Try it yourself; let us know. Or not!